dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
