I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
