Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
