dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
