after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
