I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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