Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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