Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
