So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How naked do you want me to be?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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