Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
