I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
