So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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