eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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