he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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