dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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