If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
