don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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