He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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