It's like God shit irony all over that family
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
