Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
