Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
