haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
