Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
