The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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