dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
