I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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