just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
