i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
