Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I am one with the molecules
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
His nipple licking is glorious
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