So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
