My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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