Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
