Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
