So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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