dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
