i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
