They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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