Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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