Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
