i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
