yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
