vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
