You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm getting married
To pizza
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
