He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
