hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
