there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
