I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
worst night to have a conscience
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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