Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
