My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
COCAINE IS GR8
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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