I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize