You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How does one acquire holy water?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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