I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
