video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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