I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
