i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
