Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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