i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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