He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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