you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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