Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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