; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
