Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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