I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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