You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
