'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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