just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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