The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
