I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
how drunk are you?
Several
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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