I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
