What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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