a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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